Uncertainty

As I set my gaze upon my front porch the very essence of my being entered the outdoors. Brothel Promos were to be pasted in every back alley of every street, and my wife was the face of it. I placed my box on the porch and her eyes met mine like she knew exactly what had happened. I couldn't speak, not because Gusher was the strangest human being on the face of the earth but because I knew Eloise and I weren't going to be able to enjoy the days to come. She slipped her fingers between mine and I left my box on the cold ground. We sat, silent, at the table hands interlocked with Xodus at my side. I didn't bother to look at news papers or anything for that matter. She came over to my side and had her arms around my back, guiding me up the stairs. My eyes were probably the big give away that I was dead beat. Hours passed with me processing the absurdness of my cowardice, that I wasn't able to stand up and say how weird and crazy the idea of promoting something so bizarre was. But no, I didn't, I felt even less worthy of having her in my life. The night blew in and her breathing softened.

With the little I had, I remembered days as a child, creeping through the house trying not to wake anyone to go out to sit at the yard to think. Just the thought of sizzling, ice cold beer going down my throat left me itching to drive off. So I did.

The usual morning rituals were interrupted by constant toilet visits. Vomiting wasn't exactly a party I loved to join.

"What are you doing?", Eloise had rarely used a sharpened tone of voice.
"You're not thinking straight, get yourself together and pick up the pieces. You haven't spoken to me since you stepped onto the porch yesterday."

I moved away from the toilet, wiping away the residue from the corners of my mouth. She looked at me, teary and worried, like I wasn't the person she knew. Just before I could speak, she charged in and knelt with me. I couldn't figure out the emotions that had suddenly entered my state of mind. But we weren't good, we weren't happy, we weren't sure. We needed a sign, a certain clue of the next step to take. One that was so direct, like a revelation.